I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
