I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
