I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it's like heaven, but drunker
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
