I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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