Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am available for nakedness
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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