had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So apparently I’m into choking now
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