omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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