Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
