What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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