i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
