So drunk its hurt
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
