Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
