Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
