AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
