I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
