i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
