3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
