So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
