So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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