He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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