i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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