Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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