i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
