Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
