Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
