He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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