sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
