the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
