she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
