Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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