If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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