I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
