if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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