just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
