I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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