fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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