Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Randomize
