i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
