We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
