We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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