Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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