Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am spending my child support on dildos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize