shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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