Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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