I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
