You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize