Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
