I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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