I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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