look no pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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