Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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