I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize