OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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