I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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