we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
