this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
