maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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