"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
