And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
