I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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