I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
