Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
