What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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