Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
