I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
