Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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