I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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