he wants to bone in the snuggie
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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