you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
