Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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