hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
