My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
