yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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