I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
