Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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