How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
