mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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