I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
