So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
