I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
