she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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